Last night I injured my ankle as I was stepping off a boat. It was a twilight cruise, so it was dark but I could have sworn that I was clear to step onto the dock. My eyes deceived me. As I stepped off the boat, I clipped the corner of a 4×4 with my heel, causing me to stumble and roll my ankle quite intensely. I was shocked as I fell onto the dock, grabbing my ankle in intense pain. I just started to cry, holding on to my ankle for dear life…hoping it wasn’t broken, wondering how I was going to manage if it was. Incredible heaviness jumped on me. Thankfully, the morning x-rays revealed no broken bones.
This accident has caused quite a lot of processing around my identity and sense of self. As I in the boat waiting for morning, all these thoughts and emotions came boiling up from deep within me. Self- loathing, self-hatred, self-depreciating, self-incriminating energies came to accuse me and tell me how stupid I was. I couldn’t believe what I was feeling – I would never say these things to someone who had just been injured – yet I was saying all these horrible things to myself. Where did all this self-loathing come from? Where did I pick it up from? Was it even mine? I didn’t know the answers to these questions, but I knew that I had been carrying this dense energy for a very long time. I cleared many of these energies that first night – I stepped back from myself, and observed what was being thrown at me. I observed the message of the energy, and I realized those thoughts weren’t even mine. I forgave myself for buying into those thoughts, and quickly sent them away.
I am so grateful for this accident, as it allowed me to become aware of how much self judgement I was living under -pressure to success and my attachment to my physical body, mobility, strength and agility. I have found a new sense of freedom in self-love and acceptance.
If you are struggling with negative self talk, I would love to support you.
We are perfect and whole in every way – no judgement necessary.
Love & Light.